That C**t From Red October

That C**t From Red October

Do celebrity photographers go out on jobs expecting to be punched? Are there certain celebrities who are worth hanging around a bit more because they like to get bit violent, therefore making better pictures? How come whenever any paps do actually get punched there aren't usually any pictures of it happening?

It's a mystery, but we suspect the answers are: 'yes', 'yes' and 'because the police take them'. Expecting a crappy joke? Nope. Assault is a serious business and we only condone violence against women and children here at HM, certainly not photographers.

So when Alec Baldwin smacked Marcus Santos across the chops yesterday for taking pictures of him while he picked up his marriage license, we were shocked and disappointed at the Hunt For Red October star. Jack Ryan would never have done such a thing. In Santos' words, here's what happened (Via NY Daily News):

“He comes after me, starts shoving and punching me — one time, right in the chin... he started shoving me, and pushing me. He lunged at me like raging bull.”

At the time of the vicious attack, Santos was supposedly coming to the aid of another photographer, Jefferson Siegel, the man whom Baldwin originally meant to cause bodily harm too. Siegel saw it all coming though, like one of those flashes of clairvoyance, only moments before Baldwin threw himself at the pap, like the Titanic at an iceberg, or Kerry Katona at a sausage butty.

‘Stay away from me, or I’ll break your fucking teeth. Then he grabbed my camera lens, and tried to shove my camera to the ground.”

TO THE GROUND, everyone. HE TRIED TO SHOVE IT TO THE GROUND.

Worst of all was the story of a third photographer, Goren Veljic, WHO WAS ONLY THERE TO TAKE WEDDING PHOTOS! Here's Goren with his version of the events, imagine if you will, a tear in his eye as he mourns his lost innocence:

“He was like crazy, you know? There was an eruption of mad. I think something’s wrong with him.”

“They were away from him. Then he starts running at them. Pushing, very angry, his hands up. You’re going to get a marriage license, you should be happy.

“What happened to this guy?”

An eruption of mad. An actual eruption of madness. You'd only expect that kind of thing during the apocalypse or just as Olly Murs new tour tickets go on sale.

Baldwin however, remained unrepentant, claiming in an appearance on the Charlie Rose show later that evening that he hadn't not even done nothing wrong at all. Not a single bloody damn thing:

“I’m dumb but I’m not that dumb. There were ten cops right there on the block.”

“[The photographers] need to be deported to some island.”

Seriously though, how did no-one manage to get a picture of it? There were three professional photographers there and all we got was a few pictures of him swinging his arms about (see original article). Something here's a bit fishy...

NOT HIS ACTING THOUGH! THAT'S VERY GOOD!

Oh, 30 Rock.

Come on, we had to mention it somewhere. We do like Alec really.